FML
by Both-OfUs-YouandMe
Summary: I've hired four new guys. Al, Connor, Mal, Leo, and Ezio. WORST MISTAKE EVER. They ruin my life and at the same time complete it. I can't fire them, I need the help, and they're willing to do it for such a cheap price. Hopefully I'll be able to survive their annoyance. FML
1. Chapter 1

I rushed over to store as quickly as I could. I left my damn keys in the store and I couldn't even get into my house.

I noticed Connor, Al and Mal all standing at the front of the store. Al opened his mouth releasing a greyish coloured smoke from his lips.

"You've got to be kidding me," I said to myself now breaking into a sprint.

I stopped in front of them but they didn't seem to care at all. Al brought the joint to his lips and took a long drag, while he stated at me with his blood shot golden eyes.

"What the HELL do you think you're doing?"

"Smoking," he answered.

I looked to Connor, but noticed he was smoking a cigarette instead of a joint. I looked to Mal, with scowling eyes.

"You're smoking weed on my property!"

"We'd be smoking hash if we could afford it," Mal pointed out.

"But someone doesn't pay us enough," Al added in.

"I hired you to take care of my store! Not smoke weed and get high!"

"I'm actually not high, but Mal is," said Al.

I opened my mouth to yell at him some more but Connor interrupted me. "You'd better check on Leo and Ezio."

I looked at the three confused. Connor dropped his cigarette and squashed it with his foot. He gestured me to the door.

I swung open the door releasing the annoying bell sound. My jaw dropped. I was gone for two hours and the place was totally trashed. All the wine had been consumed, things were on the floor.

"WHHEEEEEEN THE MOOM HITS YOUR EYE!" Ezio began singing, coming out from behind the cash register.

"LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE!" Leo continued, opening the storage room door.

They both reeked of alcohol. I glared at both of them, who couldn't stop laughing and hiccuping.

"You guys think this is so funny!?" I yelled, looking out the window to the three boys.

I stalked over to the pile of wine glasses and began hurling them towards the window.

"I WORK MY ASS OFF EVERYDAY JUST SO I CAN GET FOOD!"

I continued to rant on while throwing every breakable object at the window. I let out annoyed screams while opening the cash register and collecting my money plus my keys, oblivious that the five men were laughing at me.

After about an hour or so, well past midnight, my voice began sour from screaming so much. I looked at the chaos around me. The four boys were standing in front of me, Ezio and Leo less intoxicated than before.

I glared at all of them, "lets go to the bar."

They all cheered, except Connor and Al, agreeing. We walked down to the bar, and ordered drinks after drinks. I wish I knew what happened next but I pasted out cold.

FML


	2. Chapter 2

The pains in my side increased. I placed my hand on my hip and squeezed it tightly. I shifted on my metal stool to make it comfier for myself.

"I hate being a girl," I growled to myself.

The bell rung as Ezio entered the store, rubbing his head and a one liter of bottled water under his arm. He had bags under his eyes from lack of sleep. Al glared at him behind the candy shelf, unimpressed that he's late. Leo was holding an ice pack on his forehead while he sat beside me. Connor stood outside smoking and Mal was putting things away with Al.

"Do you have Tylenol?" asked Ezio, placing the giant bottle of water in front of me.

I looked through my purse and found a white bottle. I pulled it out and placed it in front of me. He picked it up and eyed the label. He slammed the bottle on the table.

"This is Midol."

"So? They do the same thing," I pointed out.

"It's for woman. On their cycle."

I grabbed the Midol from his hands. I popped open the Midol and took one out. I opened his palm and put it in his hand.

"Shut the hell up, and take it."

He looked at the pill disgusted. He looked behind him to see if Al or Mal was looking at him. He swallowed the pill whole then quickly walked to the storage to room to probably drink more.

Al sighed loudly, begging for attention. I glared at him from afar. I opened the Midol to see Ezio had the last one. I smacked the table in rage. I went outside and told Leo to take care of the cash register. Before I opened the door Al called out to me.

"Getting high is better. You don't get hung-over."

I rolled my eyes and joined Connor outside in the cold air. He was wearing a red hoodie and a black leather jacket. He looked at me as he put the cigarette to his lips. He offered the cigarette to me, which I gladly took.

"Al, bothering you?" He asked.

I gave the cigarette back to him as the smoke exited my nostrils. "No."

He nodded his head as I made my way back into the store. I looked at Leo. He was the only sane one including Mal, who wanted to be a doctor. Leo had pale skin and freckles, he always wore vests with a tie tucked in and a dress shirt and his black circular glasses perched on his nose. Mal wore plaid shirts and sweaters, saying he didn't have time to dress nice, he needed to study.

Al preferred to wear leather jackets and plain t-shirts. Very opposite to Ezio, who wore collared shirts tucked into his dress pants with the collar popped up. The only boys out the group that had long hair were Connor and Leo. Al cut his hair short, Ezio pulled his hair back with gel, and Mal kept it short like Al.

I looked at the clock. 8:50 am. I let out a long tired sigh and looked around the small store. Ezio was putting the wine away, chugging down the water. Mal was sitting at the counter with Leo talking and nagging about university.

"Well," I began picking up car keys and my jacket. "Everything seems normal. No one is high or drunk. I'll be out. Just text me if anything goes wrong."

I slowly exited the store, the five boy's eyes staring at me while I left. Connor opened the door, reeking of smoke, and held it open for me. I walked over to my car and sat in it. I opened a bag of chips, a bottle of water, and lighted a cigarette as I watched the five boys work in my store. There was _no_ way in hell I'd let them stay there without supervision. I did that before, not making that mistake again.

I took out a lollipop and continued to stare at the store. I'd been sitting in my car the whole day, and it was 9:00 pm, closing time. The store was eerily quiet, strangely quiet. Connor hadn't come out for a smoke for more than four hours. I heard a knock on my window which made me jump. I looked over and saw Ezio smiling brightly at me, while Leo rubbed his arms.

I unlocked the car and the five boys flooded in, filling my car with the mixed smell of wine and smoke. Ezio looked at me through the review mirror.

"Enjoying that lollipop?"

I glared at him as I pulled out of the parking lot to my house. I rented my extra rooms to the five bimbos, who not only wreak havoc in my store, but my house too. Al rolled down the window and began smoking a joint, passing it back and forth to Mal.

"Sharing is caring," he said to me, when he noticed my eyes piercing into his.

Connor rolled down his window and lighted a cigarette. Leo and Ezio talked loudly, about me.

"I don't like her hair colour," Ezio stated.

"I think she would be better auburn."

I'm going to need to store up on the smokes and the vodka; this was going to be one _long_ night.


	3. Chapter 3

I played with the keys in my fingers. For some reason I had so many keys and I couldn't find my home key. I could hear Al and Ezio in there, but they wouldn't open the door for me. Lazy asses.

I finally found my key and wiggled open the door. The strong scent of wet dogs slapped me. I looked around at the trashed room. Cheetos were across the floor, puddles leading to the bathroom. All the windows were open to extinguish the smell smoke that filled the room.

I threw my bag on the brown couch by the door and picked up the garbage on the floor. _I hired them to live here. Not so I can be their maid. _I opened the garbage can and threw the junk in, and proceeded to clean the kitchen. Empty wine bottles, glasses, cookie crumbs, and dog food…

"Wait…" I walked over to open bag of Nutros scattered across my kitchen table. _Dog food?!_

"EZIO, AL, MAL, LEO, CONNOR. GET YOUR ASSES OVER HERE, RIGHT **NOW**!"

The shuffle of feet filled the room as the five boys aligned themselves. Al looked at me, uninterested; he just wanted to see a fight. Ezio looked at the wine bottles thinking it was his fault. Mal was ready to yell at me of interrupting his study session. Leo looked completely terrified. Connor stood there, his arms crossed.

I held up the bag of dog food, "Which one of you is eating dog food?"

They all looked at each other. Al grabbed Ezio's hand and raised it up for him; Ezio ripped his hand away and threatened to slap him.

A bark came from the bathroom, followed by the sound of other barks. My eyes grew wide as I came to realization. "DOGS! YOU BOUGHT DOGS!"

I ran to the other side of the counter and tried to make my way to the bathroom. Connor held onto my arm forcing me to stay put. I ripped my arm from his grasp, Ezio and Al proceeded to pick me up and nail me to the couch. I kicked the air screaming at them for bringing dogs into my house.

The sound of claws hitting the floor entered the small living area. Altair and Ezio released me. I stood up anger spewing out of my body. The large grey and black dog jumped on top of me, pushing me back down into the couch. The husky's blue eyes shone with excitement and playfulness. My eyes softened as I petted the large animal sitting on me.

"What is its name?"

"She and her name is Belle," said Connor.

I brushed my hands through her soft fur, calming me down. "I guess we can keep her."

To celebrate everyone sat down and watched _Thor_; one of my favorite movies. I insisted that we watch Dark Knight Rises again, but they started throwing popcorn and licorice at me. By '_they'_ I mean Altair and Ezio. Leonardo said that he'd watch anything really and sat himself next to me and Belle, who put her head on my lap. Malik began nagging to just pick a movie because he had homework to write for his Uni course. Ezio wanted to watch Zoro and Altair stole the remote and bought Thor without any further discussion.

Half way through the film the topic of my birthday rose. The four boys, Leonardo didn't want to embarrass me, kept asking me details of when I lost my 'v-card'. I adjusted my glasses on my face and ignored them, trying to watch the movie. So they began telling stories to each other, trying to make to fess up.

"Three I tell you," Ezio bragged, putting his feet on the coffee table.

"I'm not surprised if you have aids yet," Altair stated.

"You're just jealous that I've slept with more girls than you."

"Why would I be jealous when Maria is hotter than any girl you've slept with before?"

"She isn't _that_ hot…"

Altair raised his eyebrows, looking at Ezio, who was trying to read his face. Ezio turned his profile to him.

"Never mind…"

A sleek grin was plastered on Altair's face. He looked to Malik and opened his mouth, about to speak.

"Don't even ask me such an idiotic question," Malik barked.

Altair turned his head to Connor, who was sleepily watching the movie on the floor.

"How about you, Connor?"

He shrugged his shoulders, Altair glared at him. "You got wax in your ears, boy? I asked you a question."

"No," he said.

"No wax in your ears?" Altair asked, forcing him to admit it.

"No, I did not sleep with anyone."

A thunderous laugh rose from Altair, who enjoyed embarrassing people. "You'll die a virgin, like Eva!"

I turned to him, fuming with anger. Connor shook his head unimpressed. Ezio looked at both of us and smiled. He whispered something in Altair's ear. Altair smiled mischievously and told what Ezio said to Malik in Arabian. Malik exchanged Altair's smile and looked at me and Connor.

Ezio stood up and grabbed Connor right arm and Altair grabbed the other. Before he knew what was happening he was getting dragged into his room. He struggled to be released from their grip, but failed miserably. Malik picked me up and began to drag me the same way they dragged Connor. For a man with one arm he was _really_ strong. He pushed me into the room and they sprinted out of room locking it from behind them. I could hear Leonardo beg for them to sit down and watch the movie and leave us alone. Connor rammed into the door trying to bust it open.

"Save your energy for Eva!" Altair called from the other end.

"Open this door right now!" Connor barked.

"No."

"I will **kill **you, Altair."

"Don't care."

Connor stalked back to where the bed was. He looked behind him, eyeing the door. He turned around and adjusted his feet.

"NO!" I yelled pulling his arm back.

We both fell to the ground, moaning in pain. I pick up my glasses and perch them on my nose as I stood up. Connor sat on the bed in defeat. I sat on the other end of the bed, and heard a crunching nose. I lifted the mattress to find a small plastic bag filled to the brim with joints. I picked it up and waved it over Connor's face.

"Hungry for some revenge?" I asked, opening the zip lock bag with Altair's name lousily written on it.

He smiled at me and handed his lighter to me. I opened the window and gestured for him to sit beside me on the ledge. The flame came to life as I pressed the end of the rolled up paper in the flame and the other end in my mouth.

Revenge is sweet like syrup.


	4. Chapter 4

I threw myself on the torn couch in front of me. I've been working since nine in the morning and just got home at 12am. I turned onto my back, too sleepy to dragged myself to my bed. The dog, his name escapes my tired mind, came up and sat on the ground beside the couch.

Just as I begin to drift off the sound of feet shuffling filled the room. My eyes were already closed, and as much I tried to open them, my body refused the command. I moaned, and turned my back to the T.V.

Cold water splashed across my face. I shot myself up, panicking and screaming at the same time. Through my shrieks and shocked tears Al, Ezio, Connor, Leo and Mal all screamed "Happy Birthday."

Still screaming I looked over to the clock and noticed the time was 12:45am. My birthday. My shrieks died down as I begun to glare at the five men.

"What the hell do you want?" I snapped.

"It's your birthday-

"I know."

"We're celebrating, get dressed or we'll dress you."

I stood from the couch, my tiredness shaken right out of me. I stalked back to my room and threw on some yoga pants and oversized super man sweater.

When I returned Ezio was holding the keys and everyone had their shoes on. I slipped on some socks and we headed out the door. They poured into my run down car, and just I opened to the door to sit down, it was already filled. Ezio was driving, with Leo sitting beside him. Connor, Mal, and Al sat in the back, the three of them eyeing me.

"You can sit in the floor," Al suggested, pointing the McDonald's filled bottom.

"How about you sit on the floor," I retorted.

"How about I knock you out?"

Connor rolled his eyes and grabbed my arm and forcefully pulled me into the car. I sat on his knee and held o to Ezio's headrest, afraid of falling off. Ezio zoomed off and made sure (well, I assumed he did) to go on the most bumpy road. Plus I sitting on Connor's rock hard knee, get that image in your mind.

As we pulled into a parking lot I curiously looked at the sign, still unsure where they were taking me. I looked over to the flashing lights and saw, all in capitals "GIRLS GIRLS GIRLS" with a picture of a dancing girl.

"You've got to be kidding me," I moaned, adjusting my glasses.

"Happy birthday!" Ezio, Mal and Altair called out.

They exited the vehicle and stood sitting, refusing to move. Ezio stuck his head in the car, and looked at me strangely.

"Why aren't you coming?"

"It's a strip club," I stupidly pointed out.

"We know."

"With naked girls."

"We know," he repeated more annoyed.

"I don't like looking at naked girls!"

Ezio turned his head to four boys, who all shrugged at the same time. He looked back at me trying to find an answer in my cold angry face. "How could they be so selfish? Going to a strip club on MY birthday! I don't even want to be near them! And they woke me up goddammit! I could be sleeping." I thought to myself.

"There's guys too..."

"Give me the keys, I'll go celebrate my birthday, by myself!"

Ezio tossed me the keys and looked at me once more, "are you sure?"

"More than ever."

I entered the drivers seat and slammed the door shut. Leo looked at me with a frown.

"I'll go with her," he said, joining me in the car.

The rest of them left, leaving only me and Leo.

"Aren't we going to go somewhere?"

"Actually," I began, my throat tightening and my eyes stinging, "I was just going to sit here and cry."

"Oh, don't do that."

"What a horrible surprise," I sniffled.

"Let's go to a coffee shop, I didn't even want to go to the club anyways. Not my place," he said smiling, then offered to drive.

He drove to a 24/7 McDonalds and bought me a coffee. We sat down and talked about my past birthdays, and which was the worst.

"This one wasn't so bad, last year my mother died and I spent the whole day brooding and crying and eating ice cream. It was horrible, I got really chubby too."

"One birthday, my friend and co-worker, Salai, burnt all my paintings by accident and I had to explain to the Chief of the fire department, through my tears, what had happened," he shook his head, looking at his coffee.

"Why didn't you want to go? Most men, not all, like..."

"Just not my place, I don't like belittling women. Plus I'm not that kind of man..."

"I see, so what kind of man are you?"

His face flushed completely red, he began to stutter, and before he could answer I stopped him. "You don't have to answer."

He drove me down to Wal-Mart and bought me some make-up, a sweater and some blankets. Once we reached home we both watch my favorite movie; The Dark Knight. Leonardo helped me with my problem, I only wish I could help him with his.

After the movie had finished I was on the edge of sleep just as the door burst open. Mal, Al, Connor and Ezio were all drunk and they stumbled into their rooms. Leonardo and I with difficulty dragged them into their rooms and turned them onto their sides.

In the morning, I get to clean up vomit.

FML


End file.
